It started out like a headache... a little discomfort... nothing crazy... and then little by little it just got worse.
My first migraine experience.
I still remember the little Bayer bottle... it was clear with its yellow label and its cotton ball inside. My mom gave me two aspirins and told me to go and lie down and it did nothing. How I wish I could have taken the whole bottle to kill the pain.
Years later I sit here... feeling the throbbing pain on the left side of my head. I don't know which direction the piecing pain is coming from. It feels like a long needle being inserted either into my eyeball and exiting the lower back of my next or maybe its coming in the other way around... either way I've always wondered if I were to pull my eyeball out, would that stop the pain.
This "episode" isn't too bad. I have been able to function these past couple of days.
Its funny how one can sometimes feel "it" coming on....
my breathing will change...
the sensation in my arms and fingers change...
my mouth gets dry...
and little by little
sound bothers me
light bothers me
smells bother me
and when it gets bad... each strand of my hair begins to hurt and my own breathing bothers me
They say going into a quiet room with the lights off helps... and this is true sometimes...
but then you are left alone with this pain.
I try to control my breathing
I try to relax each and every single muscle of my body
I pray
I try and get comfortable
I rub my head, my neck...
and maybe the peace of sleep comes and takes me away for a little while
But what hurts me the worse... is that when I am hurting... I feel that I hurt my children by not being there. I send them away to play... or to be ultra quiet... I end up getting upset at the slightest things... but how does one explain this excruciating pain to a child without frightening them. They try so hard to help... especially my oldest, who will do anything to make me feel better... my precious one.
And then I pray that if it means having to endure this pain tenfold in order to protect my kids from it - let it be. When I hear one of them say they have a headache - it sends shockwaves through my body...
I thank God for my husband... who sometimes doesn't quiet understand what is going on... but he tries and he tries so hard... to help more with the kids, to give me the space that I need, does anything to make me comfortable, he loves me so.
I don't know if this will ever go away. I've been to so many doctors and had so many tests done. I've tried so many different medications... and the pain is still there. Anything can set it off, hormones, stress, the temperature, the day, life...
Maybe just another day or two or three and the pain will be no more... at least for a while... until it comes to visit me again.
