Hello- how many times do we need to read about this - yes we know its an issue - but now what??
We can lump all women and men into this big pot and say - here this is what you have to do and this is why - and when you do it - you'll be a better Christian... are you kidding me?
I want to hear and see more women and men who are real and talk about it in a real way... who share their struggles and how they overcame it - about those who came alongside them and loved them through this process and prayed with them and offered suggestions. Yes, you can say well its a personal issue - well eventually there has to be some sort of praise and for someone to share the steps that they took - or are we to believe it can't be overcome? Seriously?
Why am I so passionate about this topic - because I've been there...
When I first came to know the Lord... it was just this sheer joy and excitement - I looked forward to Sundays, to go to church to worship and hear the message and fellowship! When I would get ready for church, I would want to put on my finest. This was the way I was bought up. My mom would start getting us ready for Sunday service on Saturdays... washing our hair and doing these little roll ups to our hair so it would be just perfect. She would have us shine our shoes with baby oil, we would take our super duper baths, it was a Saturday ritual. Our outfits would be ironed just right. Our grandmother would make us these big round skirts out of fabric she would find on sale... it was a big deal going to church, and it wasn't about appearances, it was because we were going to church and we were giving the Lord our best - Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall - didn't matter the weather.
My mom also took great care in teaching us how to dress... it wasn't to any extreme - but we dressed our age... we didn't go with the flow, and that followed us as we grew up. Yes we had our moments, our stages - but nothing crazy like we see today...
But my first experience with this topic of modesty was several months after I had accepted the Lord. I put on this beautiful linen skirt with three gold buttons by the waist and a slit on the side and I paired it with a lovely blouse and of course my super duper heels... always rocking my heels!
After service was over and we were walking down the aisle to exit the church - this lady approaches me - her name, Rosa Davila, she was one of the older ladies of the church - a Sunday School teacher, very knowledgeable, a prayer warrior. As a new believer she kinda sorta intimidated me. We never really spoke much, the usual hello and small talk... but this one Sunday she approached me - my heart dropped... but what shocked me was how she spoke to me... she was so sweet and nice, she complimented me on how I dressed and how beautiful I always looked. Then she said how she loved my skirt and how wonderful it looked on me - "but you know that slit is a little high" she said - oh my goodness I'm a believer for several months and look at what I'm doing - I waited for lightening to strike!!! It was totally the opposite - she checked out the slit and she said - "you know something if you want you can bring the skirt to me next week and I'll fix it for you, look all I have to do is just a couple of stitches here and that way when you sit down it won't be a problem" and she proceeded to compliment me again, which led to another conversation.
She opened my eyes to something which I was not aware of - helped me find a solution - and all in love and that is what I have never forgotten - it was done in love... and from that day on I paid closer attention to what I wore. Yes there are moments when I forget to pin something or fix something up - but I try and catch those situations before I leave the house.
But what I want to bring to light is - have you noticed that modesty isn't a topic that is shared, spoken about, nor a topic of conversation. I think this is a topic that is assumed young girls, young ladies, women know about - if you really have that connection with Jesus, that modesty knowledge comes with it - hmmm and if not - you must not be praying, reading your bible or you must be missing something!!!
Girls, women are told to cover up because of what it will do to men... and???
Women are looked down upon, frowned at - but what is the story??
Men are supposed to act blind and pretend they don't see anything - really??
I am married - to a wonderful husband and we have been very open with our conversations. I just finished sharing with him regarding the topic and I read what I was writing about and what I felt about it. I have no problem asking my husband to check out my outfit and see if its okay, its usually a Sunday ritual - he's my husband and I want to make sure I am respecting him when we go out, plus I want to look nice for him. When we worked in youth ministry - we discussed it openly and frequently - so the girls and guys could have a true understanding of the topic. Now that we are working with the young adults - we try and do the same thing - using different tactics.
We have two daughters, 13 and 8 - I do my best to make sure that they are dressed appropriately for whatever the situation, there are times its a struggle with my older daughter, but I am honest with her. I also have them accustomed to going to their dad and have him give his opinion. What may seem fine to me, may not be to him.
I have a son who is 10 and who has been having conversations with his dad about girls...
Its all about communication... please don't tell me the effects of what an outfit will do - that's biology 101 which they are now teaching in elementary school - are we really that silly? Please do not assume you know why she is dressed a certain way, please don't judge or be critical or have an arrogant perception, being all high and mighty, lets be real - we all have something we struggle with and some of those things are hard to deal with, really hard - how would you like someone to approach you on it? I have no idea or can even come close to understanding why men struggle so hard with this issue - or why porn is so prevalent among guys and men... and why is that - because I do not have the mind of a man - but I ask my husband questions, I can learn, I can pray... I can be more sensitive.
How can we expect a young girl or woman, a young boy or man to understand this unless its spoken about? The answer can not be - because you can't. We need to speak about it in a way where we don't have girls feeling bad, ashamed or hiding their bodies and we need to speak about it in such a way where boys don't feel bad or ashamed of what they are feeling or seeing...but how to deal with it, what to do. Its about sitting down and sharing our hearts, sharing our experiences, sharing what the bible says, and again I stress - in love.
Who am I do judge or criticize that woman who comes to church dressed a certain way... let her hear the message - let me say hello - let me start a conversation - let me pray and see where the Lord will lead and how I can share my heart... how sad would it be for her to catch a glimpse of me looking at her up and down and then leave the church not feeling loved. When you get down to it, modesty is not about a list of do's and don'ts - its a matter of the heart.
When it comes to certain topics - lets leave all this technology aside, lets leave all these opinions, suggestions and stuff from people aside, and turn to Jesus. Let Him guide us. Let's go back to the good old days when you could have a conversation with your wife, husband, children, friend, etc. Where you share, laugh, cry, joke, pray and learn something - and leave knowing that you are loved, accepted, that you have someone who will help you and be there for you.
Isn't that what Jesus taught?
I want to share this before I end - Titus 2:1-10
But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled,pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us. Bondservants are to be submissive to their own masters in everything; they are to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, not pilfering, but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior.
What is this telling us to do - to teach - to teach about life. Its not telling us to condemn, judge, be critical - but to teach. How do you teach - by sharing, by being real, by developing relationships. How did our Savior share with others? How did he teach his disciples, always in love... Please let us take note of that... when we share about modesty - or any other topic... and let us remember where we once were... and let us not forget love...
Signing off ...
Me...
Me...
