You see, there is a truckload of articles written by men who use the same phrases over and over again regarding how immodesty is such a big problem for them, then you have the other side of the coin regarding women who either go from one extreme of throwing all their clothes away in order not to be immodest to the other extreme getting their feathers all ruffled saying this isn't their problem.
Yes, I know that immodesty is an issue, a serious issue, but I want to talk about men and to stand up for those who are not being spoken of. Yes, I am a woman and in reality I don't have any idea how this affects men, I can only go by what my husband has shared with me or what I have read. What hurts me is that in all these conversations there are men being described as or who are putting themselves in the same category as being creatures / animals - who only go by instinct, whose lives are being run only by what they see, with no self-control whatsoever - to either justify their actions or who possibly may not want to admit what they may be really struggling with - they seem to want to throw all men into the same barrel... how men just can't control themselves when they see a woman dressed a certain way - REALLY!!!
Hitting the brakes!!!!
I'm sorry but I for one find it personally offensive to hear this and to read this both as a woman and as a wife!
You see when you describe and speak about men like this - you include my husband, my Pastor, leaders whom I respect, brothers in Christ that hold high standards within this issue, young men who are being real and are making a huge difference and are taking a stance on this topic, men who love their Lord and Savior, that will be open and honest and take these struggles to the feet of Jesus and seek Him and His word, who will take responsibility for it and not shift the blame or want to wash their hands of it. These are men who I admire, they are not creatures, these are men that turn to God, who have the ability to control their actions because they are men who strive to be controlled by the Holy Spirit - not the flesh.
My husband - I love the man!! As much as I love him, I also know he is not perfect... he is a man of flesh and bones... when it comes to modesty, I have no problem asking him for his thoughts on what I am wearing - because I know he is not only looking at me as his wife, but also as his sister in Christ, my 14 year old daughter has also gotten into the habit of asking for his opinion - we have had countless and very open conversations on the topic, we've spoken about it to our kids, taught it openly and lovingly in Youth ministry, and the same within the Young Adults ministry. I know my husband is not blind - I know that he looks at other women, it would be very foolish of me to think otherwise... but I also know that above all his love for our Lord and Savior is without words, that he loves and respects me and his children greatly. Because of this love, he chooses to spend time in the Word, praying and deepening his relationship with Jesus... and I can strongly say the same thing for other young men (who I am truly proud of ) and men whom I know.
I have to once again repeat this when it comes to modesty and women - there is no way I can go to a girl or a woman of any age and tell her what she can and can't wear - one - because the bible really does not have a checklist of how long our skirts should be, or if women should wear turtlenecks or show cleavage. It does tell us in 1 Timothy 2:9 "...that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire", but it does not break it down for us. - two - yes, she may do it to appease me - but it's not about the external... it has to do with the heart and her relationship with Jesus... only Jesus can transform her from the inside out and truly get her to see what modesty really and truly is... and three - I need to have a relationship with this person in order to be able to sit down and get to know her and her heart, so I can share my heart with her.
When it comes to men... I gotta be real here - for those men who want to throw the blame on women... I have to say - yes I can see your point, the world is constantly flashing stuff, there are women who take dressing to a whole new level, so for a Godly man its hard and there are times I can see you struggling where to look. It's not much easier for us either, it's uncomfortable for women too, we truly don't enjoy seeing other women dressed inappropriately... but for a moment let us turn the tables - have you ever stopped to think that you may be causing women to have lustful thoughts? SURPRISE!!! Yes, this issue does affect many women also! For example - there are women who are turned on by a certain type of man, who is rugged in appearance, how about those who wear tight tee shirts and flaunts their muscles, or those who dress in suits, maybe it's the casual look, maybe they left one too many buttons unbuttoned... hmmm how about those who wear cologne, how they speak to women or it can even be an innocent lingering touch on the arm, her back, maybe sitting close to her and having legs touch, an embrace while saying hello. Who would have thought!?! But it does happen. There are countless women who struggle with this!!! But just in the same way, there are men who can have lustful thoughts looking at women who are are modestly dressed because his attraction is her elbows... her ears... her toes or feet... there are men with different attractions - its not just the obvious body parts... it could be from lipstick to high heels, anything... because men are visual... so what do I tell these women?? You have to wear sock and earmuffs?
Just as the woman has to be transformed from the inside out by the Holy Spirit... men were created to have self-control. Men may lack it, but they have it... and if you lack self-control - the solution is to practice self-control by seeking God and His word and being transformed through His word through the Holy Spirit.
Men please do not degrade yourselves by saying you have no self-control or by allowing yourselves to be put in the same category... again I repeat that I cannot truly understand how your minds and body are affected but don't be childish either complaining and focusing on how women are dressed. I do know that we serve a mighty God who loves us and who speaks to us through His word and I do know that we have plenty of men who may struggle with this issue but instead of shifting the blame are taking responsibility and focusing on God and seeking strength, wisdom and self-control from God, men who are not attacking or pointing fingers, but who are holding on to the transforming Word of God which has the power to help you overcome!
So thank you men - young and old - for being a Godly example for our sons and yes for our daughters also... for being an example for the boys and men of all ages... what it means to have a Godly walk, how you handle yourselves and what to do when you struggle - not having to announce it to the whole world using someone else's words - but to those who you are accountable to - for prayer and counsel... For respecting women and seeing them not like objects but as people, as your sisters in Christ. I truly am thankful for you and I appreciate you greatly... anyone can talk the talk... but you lead by example - it does not go unnoticed.
Here are several bible verses on self-control and I hope they are a blessing to you...
For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 2 Peter 1:5-7
For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 2 Peter 1:5-7
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27
But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:27
Training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, Titus 2:12
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:1-2
Signing Off
Debbie
