From that handful - there is one woman in particular who always challenged me when it came to "religious stuff" with her countless questions, her "lovely" opinions, and her disagreements. Before she got married there was one word that would just drive her bonkers... if I wanted to get her going I just had to start a conversation using this word and on a roll she would go!!!
This dear friend is Martha. We worked on the same floor and would visit each others offices frequently - many times it was work related and other times - well it was to make the time go faster or cheer each other up.
Well what is this word that would drive Martha batty?? Submission...
Oh how I remember the day I mentioned it in conversation for the first time - the "Dominican" in her came out in full force - and she shared with me how she was not a doormat - and several other things she had in mind... It really didn't matter how I tried to explain it she just wasn't having it.
God is so very good - the years have now passed and she is married to an incredible man, whom she calls her Superman - she is a mom to a beautiful daughter and handsome boy - and her heart has now softened to where "submission" is no longer an ugly word - but its because of her love for her husband.
Yeah - a submissive wife. It still makes me chuckle.
Today - our Pastor - Pastor Eric, shared on the different roles as wives, husbands, children, parents and workers and bosses - and it just bought up so many memories - and even though I had heard so many of the things he shared regarding the role of the wife - it was also good to be reminded of my call and my role in my marriage to Ray.
You see before I met Ray I was a single mom - I was in control of my life, my son and my home and everything in between... and having strong women in my family - submission didn't really come naturally. When we got married and this submission topic came up in our lives - I remember fighting for dear life. I felt like my identity was being stripped away from me... and this man (who I loved and was so very thankful for) was now going to be in control of my life and that of my son. ahhhhhhh!!!
Those first couple of years were very tough to put it nicely. The honeymoon stage came and went very quickly. I wanted to keep that control - and that "authority" over my life and especially that of my son. It took so much prayer and seeking the encouragement and love and support and counsel from Godly women who lived as Titus 2:3-5 instructed:
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."
I had a choice to make - give up fighting for control or work on my marriage. I learned to seek in Him, prayed for wisdom and His provision for me - even when I didn't know how it would turn out. God's molding of my heart hurt... it was not easy to let go of what I was used to and let God begin transforming my heart.
To submit to our husbands does not mean that we are a doormat or that we are to be abused physically or in any sense of the word. God has called us to come alongside our husbands... to be his helpmate - as it is fitting to the Lord.
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone;
I will make him a helper fit for him.” Genesis 2:18
I submit to my husband because it is what God is calling me to do as a Godly wife, it brings glory and honor to God - I am being obedient to Him - and it brings joy to my husband.
Our husbands greatest need is to be respected, and in being a submissive wife - we are respecting our husbands and respecting our marriage. Several things I learned early on from my spiritual mom and other Godly women is that we are not to go to our friends and share details of our husband and what he does or doesn't do. I am so extremely careful about who I talk to in regards to my husband and my marriage - being in the ministry and my husband being an Elder at our church, I have to make sure my talk is honoring of him and that I only talk to women I trust and who will guide me through Scripture and that the conversation is more on what I should do and on how I should handle myself. Another lesson I learned is not to be critical of him or undermining him in public, or to others. Never disrespecting him, especially in front of the children. Talking bad about dad is never acceptable. We work together so that our children know that they can not manipulate us for their personal gain.
To be a submissive wife requires prayer and an intimate relationship with Christ. I say this because the last thing my flesh wants to do is submit to my husband - especially when I'm having a really bad day. But I am so very thankful to the Lord because you see when God bought Ray into my life - God knew exactly who I needed for a husband. Ray is not a very demanding man. Ray has never forced me to "submit" to him, but when necessary (and there has been a couple of times) he has called me out lovingly and in private when I "crossed the line". I feel that my husband appreciates that I am a strong, responsible, thoughtful, intelligent, loving, and "opinionated" (well sometimes lol) woman and that I can bring these qualities into our marriage to enhance and balance our relationship. I have learned that I must trust my husband to make the best decisions for our family, whether I understand them or not - whether I accept it or not. Ray is a very smart and wise man who loves God above all things - his desire is to be obedient to what God has called him to do and to honor God as the head of our home.
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Corinthians 11:3
I know it is my husband who must answer to God for his decisions, not me and that is a huge load off my shoulders!! Through the years I have learned not to interfere between God and my husband and what God may be trying to say to my husband as the leader of our family. From personal experience - that only caused harm to our marriage, to our children and our home.
So I want to encourage you - to find joy in growing into a beautiful submissive wife. The Lord will bless you and your home greatly. You will bring joy to your husband - but first and foremost your will bring honor and glory to your Lord and Savior. If you have a hard time submitting to your husband, pray about it, dig into God's word and pray that the Lord will send you a Titus 2 woman to encourage you and mentor you.
And one last thing - if you are a mom to daughters or have girls in your life... remember you are their example - they are watching and listening to you closely... you are teaching them - by your actions - to be a woman of God, who seeks the Lord and wants to honor Him with their lives and their actions... including one day - maybe being a wife who lovingly submits to her husband.
