How was communication taught to you? Teaching communication skills to our children is more important now than it has ever been. I realized that growing up I was usually expected to call family members but never really taught the importance of why... I had to. And yes I am at fault as a parent. I remember telling my oldest son when he was young - call your grandmother... but it was more of a call and check in because you have to... I never really explained to him why he should call his grandparents or how to have a conversation with them or how it would make them feel - but that he had to call. I hope this makes sense. Some may not quite understand... But I pray God speaks to your heart as He has to me.
Many of us assume that if all is okay, there is no real reason to call or send a note... because everything is okay. If we do call - we rush the conversation because we are really just "checking" in. Children are being raised in a society full of technology where its easy to "hide" behind a text message, email or other type of message. Its easier to send a couple of messages... and that's it... but then what about learning to speak, to listen to the other person, especially when that person is much older. Being concerned and sharing their heart...caring. We should not teach our children that it is okay to use these other means of communication... but the importance of a phone call or sitting down and writing a note, how to communicate politely.
Many of us assume that if all is okay, there is no real reason to call or send a note... because everything is okay. If we do call - we rush the conversation because we are really just "checking" in. Children are being raised in a society full of technology where its easy to "hide" behind a text message, email or other type of message. Its easier to send a couple of messages... and that's it... but then what about learning to speak, to listen to the other person, especially when that person is much older. Being concerned and sharing their heart...caring. We should not teach our children that it is okay to use these other means of communication... but the importance of a phone call or sitting down and writing a note, how to communicate politely.
Assuming that children will learn proper communication skills without teaching them is a big mistake. I for one do not want this skill lost. I know that sometimes the desire is there but we get caught up in our everyday tasks and lists of things to do... and before we know it, its already bedtime. Maybe its something that should be put on our to do list, on our calendar until it becomes a habit - no longer something that needs to be done, but that they look forward in doing.
Continuing on the importance of communication, I wanted to share this that I found sooo very very interesting. Emily Post's Etiquette, Peggy Post lists six basics of communication that parents should teach to their kids.
First, she advises, make eye contact. It is important that children be taught to establish eye contact with the person with whom they are speaking. Looking directly at the other person in the conversation shows interest and gives respect. Children need to be taught that looking away is a sign of disinterest and is not good manners.
Second, speak clearly and correctly. Using good pronunciation, not rushing speech and using good grammar are all aspects of communication that parents should model for children.
Third, take turns and don't interrupt. Children must be trained not to jump into a conversation just because they feel like talking. It is important that parents curb this behavior and teach children self-control.
Fourth, pay attention and respond appropriately. Modeling good listening skills to children is the best way to teach good listening. Ask appropriate questions of the child and allow the child to respond. Show interest in what the child has to say. The best conversationalists are those who listen well.
Fifth, enter conversations politely. There is a correct way to join a conversation that uses good manners. If parents consistently demonstrate how to politely enter a conversation, overtime, children will learn the practice. Parents should show children how to approach the group quietly, smile to those in conversation, listen to what people are saying, and wait until they are spoken to before speaking. It is also important for parents to teach children how to behave politely when someone joins an active conversation.
Finally, Post notes that one should end conversations pleasantly. Walking away from a conversation with good manners is a crucial skill to possess and one that parents should work hard at teaching to their children. Parents should encourage children to leave a conversation saying some pleasantry such as, "I promised my cousin that I would throw the ball with him and so I need to go now, but it was really nice talking to you." Other important skills that parents should focus on when teaching children basic communicational skills are controlling volume, not using "potty talk" and keeping private matters private.
Parents should also help children to understand nonverbal communication and cues. Rude facial expressions like eye rolling and grimaces as well as yawning at a speaker, hair twisting, turning one's back to the speaker, finger nail picking and checking one's watch, are all bad manners. Children need to learn that their nonverbal actions and behaviors can make people feel badly.
First, she advises, make eye contact. It is important that children be taught to establish eye contact with the person with whom they are speaking. Looking directly at the other person in the conversation shows interest and gives respect. Children need to be taught that looking away is a sign of disinterest and is not good manners.
Second, speak clearly and correctly. Using good pronunciation, not rushing speech and using good grammar are all aspects of communication that parents should model for children.
Third, take turns and don't interrupt. Children must be trained not to jump into a conversation just because they feel like talking. It is important that parents curb this behavior and teach children self-control.
Fourth, pay attention and respond appropriately. Modeling good listening skills to children is the best way to teach good listening. Ask appropriate questions of the child and allow the child to respond. Show interest in what the child has to say. The best conversationalists are those who listen well.
Fifth, enter conversations politely. There is a correct way to join a conversation that uses good manners. If parents consistently demonstrate how to politely enter a conversation, overtime, children will learn the practice. Parents should show children how to approach the group quietly, smile to those in conversation, listen to what people are saying, and wait until they are spoken to before speaking. It is also important for parents to teach children how to behave politely when someone joins an active conversation.
Finally, Post notes that one should end conversations pleasantly. Walking away from a conversation with good manners is a crucial skill to possess and one that parents should work hard at teaching to their children. Parents should encourage children to leave a conversation saying some pleasantry such as, "I promised my cousin that I would throw the ball with him and so I need to go now, but it was really nice talking to you." Other important skills that parents should focus on when teaching children basic communicational skills are controlling volume, not using "potty talk" and keeping private matters private.
Parents should also help children to understand nonverbal communication and cues. Rude facial expressions like eye rolling and grimaces as well as yawning at a speaker, hair twisting, turning one's back to the speaker, finger nail picking and checking one's watch, are all bad manners. Children need to learn that their nonverbal actions and behaviors can make people feel badly.
I guess its alot to take in - but we need to start...
