Because of my personality I have a hard time moving past this stage... not being able to "fix" this problem... My head is spinning with things I would like to put down that sound nice, like the right things to say... but it just wouldn't be real.
Yes yes yes I know that I have stated countless times that I'm a believer, therefore I should let God do the "fixing"... lol the excuses to justify this are just swirling in my head...
Do you ever experience this??? I don't think I'm the only nutty one.
I am not to rescue but to pray
But God is soooo good... even when I am being stubborn - He sends blessings my way reminding me that I am not alone... today He spoke to me through a friend who reminded me what a special friendship we have and that I am not alone...
So many reasons to move on and to enjoy what God has given to me, what He has blessed me with... but haven't you ever wanted something soooo badly that you just can't give up!!! My head and my heart are just not in sync... The sad part is that each second, day, that I "waste" on this is time that is lost and that I will not get back.
I heard this song for the first time at a women's retreat... the words are soooo perfect for what I am feeling in my heart. I know that I must let go and lay this burden down, lay my heart at the foot of the cross. I must forgive. Oh Jesus this is my prayer.
All in all, I'm not angry about none of this... I have been able to use this and minister to so many young girls in our youth group... to help them see the importance of cherishing what they have. I know God allows everything to happen for a reason... I just wish it weren't sooo painful sometimes - but then again my pain is nothing in comparison to what He endured for me...
I started to write about this as "therapy"... but sometimes I feel as though I'm writing to someone... and I just want you to know that as I write... I pray for you too. The journey is a hard one but praise God we don't have to walk it alone.
