Seven Days...

Its been a week... 
60,4800 seconds or
10,080 minutes or
168 hours or 
in other words seven days.



Seven days ago, a beautiful Friday afternoon I received a call from my friend, Kathy, letting me know that she received a call from the hospital because our friend, Lucille, needed her family and friends at the hospital, she told me that there were several police cars outside of our friend's home... Kathy asked if I was on my way over to pick up my daughter who gets a ride from her... I was just surprised because why would there be police cars outside Lucille's house and why was the hospital calling for family and friends... I told Kathy I was on my way and she told me she had another call coming in...

It was the hospital again - calling from the pediatric department asking for family and friends to come to the hospital. I told Kathy that I would be right over... she asked if Elizabeth could stay with her kids so she could leave right away... and I told her that wouldn't be a problem...

When I get to Kathy's street there were three police cars parked in front of Lucille's home... it was just so odd... I'm thinking Lucille's son who was 15 months old probably got hurt, like broke an arm or leg or got a bad bruise from a tumble... so why were there police cars...

When I arrived at Kathy's house at 4:24 pm all I could do was pace the house... back and forth... when was Kathy going to call to let me know what happened... My last text to her was at 4:54 pm saying "Anything" - but when I didn't hear from her I figured it was bad reception...

At 5:06 pm I got a text from Kathy saying "AJ is with Jesus, he didn't wake up from a nap... pray!" It didn't make sense... what was this saying... I closed the message and opened it up again to make sure it was real and I read it right... I called Kathy because I needed to hear the words from her mouth... and when I did finally reach her and she did confirm the news - my heart fell like a rock... such an immense pain... and the tears began to flow... 

AJ - Anthony James was the cutest little boy... with this awesome reddish hair... and he had just started walking... it was the cutest thing... now he was gone... 

Now all I could do was begin calling our prayer warriors... this family needed prayers, hardcore prayers... and each time I told someone it was the same reaction, the pain coming through the phone...

I know we are not eternal beings... I know we all have to pass away... and its hard when you hear that someone has died - but a child... how does one take that in... a beautiful innocent child.

So much as happened in these seven days... I have seen first hand how God gives strength to those that trust in Him... I was able to see how His words gave comfort and peace... I was able to see how when I was weak, He gave me strength to put my feelings aside and hold Lucille while she was crying and upset... I was able to see how Kathy ministered to her and the family day and night.

Oh but in the midst of all of this, in the midst of her tears and pain - she would share God's word, she would ask for her sisters in Christ, she would talk about her church and the joy it bought her, she would speak about Jesus and how she is getting baptized in November. She was witnessing and ministering to all those around her.

A new chapter begins for my friend Lucille... one I can't understand... but one she has to go through... its going to be a difficult journey, moments when she will break down, be angry, hurt, cry... but deep in her heart she will have one extraordinary thing... Hope... You see this journey she will not take alone... she will take each step with her Lord and Savior and nothing will be too big for Him... and He will continue to give her Hope - that one day she will be reunited with her son again...

I don't know how one can survive this pain or how one can stand when receiving news like this - but I do know that when you know Jesus - He gives you that strength, that peace and that love - those that see you might think you are nuts - but its all Jesus Christ.

Its been a difficult seven days - but I have say how blessed and honored I am to have been able to share these moments with Lucille because in ministering to her - there are so many lessons learned... so many lessons... to praise God for.

Seven days ago - the lives of so many were changed - including mine...

may you be blessed.

A hug that soothed my soul...

In this world there are huggers and then there are "huggers"...

I think I'm a hugger... I love to give hugs and to receive them. It wasn't always this way - I tended to shy away from hugs - unless my father was giving the hugs... there was no way to shy away from those...they tended to be massive...lol

I have a friend - Rebekah and oh goodness gracious that woman was born to hug... she is a "hugger" no Rebekah is a "HUGGER"... you can fall into her arms and whatever you are going through feels so much better after her hug... she could hug you when you are happy and its a jiggly hug... or you can hug her when you are sad and its all good and soothed.

I don't know why but I have this odd relationship with my mom... I know one day the "why" will be answered but I know without a doubt that she loves me in her own special way... just like I love her in my own special way... yes we are two special women!!! But our hugs have consisted of those hello type of hugs and those quick pecks on the cheek... we have never really been too physically affectionate towards each other. 

Through the years its taken some effort on my part not to continue that type of relationship with my daughter Elizabeth. Each day I have to make a conscious effort to show her love and affection... not just say it or assume that she knows but show her. To make sure that I hug her, hold her hand, verbally encourage her, verbally compliment her and of course give her those loud mushy kisses - to make sure I don't take those "things" for granted. I'm doing it now more than ever because I see how quickly time is passing by... and if I'm not careful that time may come where I may not be able to do it if you know what I mean... and my little girl isn't that little anymore... we almost see eye to eye which is pretty scary. 

But going back to hugging... today God knew what I needed. And it wasn't a hug from my darling husband Ray, or my friends Kathy who has been doing really good at hugging more, Jen who is very very pregnant and has to hug sideways or Rebekah the natural born "hugger"... He knew I needed my mom.

Today, me and the kids met up with her... Elizabeth was going to spend the weekend at the city, so instead of us driving to the city, she decided to meet us at the mall. When Elizabeth saw her - she ran towards her and jumped into her arms... Caleb and Priscilla ran right behind her... I thought they were going to knock her down.

And then my mom reached me... and it happened... it wasn't a hello hug... or one of those courtesy hugs... it was a hug. I truly do not remember the last time we hugged that way... we hugged and I felt like a little girl being held in my moms arms and protected from the world... and I kissed her teared up cheek... I was able to smell my mom's smell... I was able to feel her heart... and her love... and I knew it was a God thing because she didn't give me the mom speech about how I've been lost and how she forgot what I looked like... she just smiled at me and I kissed her again.

God is so good - He knew what I needed and what was going to soothe my soul and remind me of His love... if I could bottle up that moment - but maybe its a good thing if I can't bottle it up - I feel as if now I can go back for more... I've been praying so much for this moment and I see this as an answered prayer and a door being opened for wonderful things between me and my mom!!! Thank you Jesus - for always knowing what my heart needs...

How she longs for his cry...

I just finished cuddling with my baby girl... I needed to feel her close to me with her arms around my neck...

And then the tears just overwhelmed me...

To know that she is not mine... my precious children belong to the Lord and He has entrusted me with them for a given time - how long that time is - only He knows.

Oh how many times I say and think that I have to - that I need to spend more time with my children... that I need to stop yelling and shouting so much... that I need to hug and kiss more... and then I'm back to where I started.

I am sorry I keep sharing so much about my friend Lucille who lost her 16 month old baby yesterday... but sometimes God puts us in midst of certain situations to teach us things... oh and this lesson was so heartbreaking. 

How her heart must ache for her son... how her arms must hurt because she is not able to hold him one more time... how her ears wish for the sound of him calling out to her or even the sounds of his cries... and how we take it for granted and how we tend to complain when they are hanging us on to or screaming for something... and now how a mom now wishes she had that opportunity once again - how she would give anything to have her baby back.

My heart hurts so much right now... and my my heart cries out to Jesus as I ask Him to forgive me for those moments when I didn't love my children as much, or when I pushed them away or told them to stop... Oh my Jesus... make me sensitive to my children's moments... and a constant reminder that they are yours... and you may take them back at any time... help me to remember to cherish them because life goes to fast... and one day they will no longer be babies... make me an instrument that you can use to raise Godly men and Godly women who long to serve you and worship you... 

Jesus make me a mother after your own heart... one who imitates you... 

Just give me Jesus...

Oh what a day this has been... but in the midst of all of the pain my heart rejoices.

Many times I have heard Phillippians 4:7 - "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." and I know that God will do this... and He has... but then there are certain situations that make me ponder - will He.

And today as I sat with my friend Lucille - this was made so evident. In the midst of her pain and broken heart - I was able to see the peace of God which surpasses all understanding on her face. And this was only something that God could do.

My friend is a new believer... but the Lord has made Himself so real in her life and in her heart. Today she was sharing scripture and Bible stories... she was sharing how she has been praying to the Lord... and she she would break down and ask why in the midst of her tears... but then something would come over her - and that could only be the Spirit of the Lord.

Oh to know Jesus... there is no better thing. He is not a figurine that we light candles to... or a picture on a wall... he is not the image crucified on the cross... He is alive and He is ever present and real... ready to console us at all times in the midst of our pain.

There is nothing more beautiful in this world but to know Jesus as our Lord and Savior... to know that He knows each one of us by name... that we do not need words to speak because He knows our hearts... that our Father knows each tear that falls from our eyes...

Oh just give me Jesus... give me Jesus... you can all this world... but give me Jesus... 

xoxoxo

As my strength diminishes...

Oh how my heart aches.... 

Yesterday a friend of mine, Lucille lost her son... He was 16 months old. Oh he was the cutest thing with his beautiful red hair that just stood out.

Yesterday I went to the hospital to be with Lucille and with my friend Kathy (who is a good friend of mine but also Lucille's neighbor and her friend)... and my friend Shannon who is the Nursery Director of our church who was also there to comfort Lucille.

I don't know if I would say unfortunately or fortunately in this situation... Unfortunate that this happened - what does one do or say... how does one ease the pain... but then again fortunate to have the Lord, that He provides those words, that comfort, that love and that we could be His hands and feet and that He uses us to minister to others as He would have us...

It was a blessing to be able to be there for both of them. Even though I knew Anthony and loved him very much - I was not as close as Kathy was or even Shannon... so I was being strong and encouraging with her and holding her and praying for her... reminding her in the midst of the confusion and pain and the fog she was in that she was loved... that I loved her, that we loved her that God loved her... she would nod her head but I know that her feelings were just a ball of knots and confusion.

I came home last night and shared with my mother in law... and we prayed for her... when I arrived at my home I shared with my husband and then my daughter Elizabeth called me to her room and she was in tears thinking about Lucille and Anthony and also Kathy's children who are younger than her... as she asked what could she do... All I could do was comfort her and I prayed with her.

I was in the midst of my own fog and confusion... thinking I would wake up at any moment.... we went to bed and it was a restless sleep... my inner being just wanted to jump out and do something... to be there for Lucille, to be there for Kathy and for Shannon...

As I awoke this morning I realized this is real... and the pain started to make itself more evident...

I'm still being strong making some phone calls, praying and sharing...

I just texted a friend of mine so that she could pray for me... later on Ray and myself are going to pass by Kathy's house to pray with her and for her and her husband and then visit with Lucille...

In my text I wrote - pray for me because I feel my strength becoming weak...

And that is when the Lord reminded me that my strength can only be found in Him... and the verse 2 Corinthians 12:9 came to my heart: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

So in the midst of this pain... and as "my" strength slowly diminishes, I will let the power of Christ rest upon me... 

O Praise Him

Oh today has been a day of praises... Goodness from time we wake up to the time we go to sleep we have so many reasons to praise God.

These past couple of months have been tough. We have had to do alot of re-budgeting and switching things around... Today was pay day and before the funds even hit the bank - the money was all gone... and I was still short.

Time after time - I pray God - we are being obedient... we are being good stewards... why is this happening.. what is going on... I know what is going on... several months ago I tried to do something right but it backfired and threw us back... I guess its a double edge sword sort of thing... but goodness we just need a break to catch up.

Today was a busy day... had alot to do and take care of... as I got ready to attend a meeting for our Women's Ministry... the thoughts popped back in my head... oh what can I do... Hmmmm maybe play the lotto!!! But my husband reminds me time and time again - that we are to trust in God... Hmmmm okay what else... what can I do.... maybe a second job.... but then that would affect ministry and that is priority for me, for us... I jump in the car, put down the windows and turn up the music... I begin to sing worship songs and my spirit lifts (In case you haven't noticed from my other blogs... I LOVE music and I LOVE to sing!!!).

As I'm driving and singing... I can't help but praise God. I had to praise Him. Yep so our finances are very very tight, I'll have to move some stuff around again... but you know something... I HAVE to praise Him. The Lord has blessed me beyond what I can ask for... in abundance. You see I have to take the focus off what I cannot control. In as much as I would love to - I can't control our finances... our salaries are set, our bills and responsibilities are set and we have to make due with what we have... So worrying about it and losing sleep over it isn't going to make the money multiply you see... But what I can focus on are the incredible blessings He has given me. My family is healthy... we have a roof over our heads - in a home that the Lord has given to us that is full with His love... all of my children are doing well... I have a wonderful and incredible husband who loves us and loves the Lord... we each have good jobs... we have had times of abundance... and I can continue going. So while I was driving to my meeting - I chose to make my mindset. I can't let satan distract me from all of these tremendous blessings - because that is what he wants. And before we know it we will be wallowing in a pit of depression and misery.

Oh my friends... I know that times are hard for so many - I look around our church family and see families who have lost love ones, I see others who are very very ill, others without jobs, others without a home - so many many things happening in the lives of others... and I sit with them and talk to them - many of them praise God... thank God... they are joyful...

The Lord has a plan... He has provided for us to this date... there has not been a need... and I can only praise Him and thank Him. We need to change our words from complaining to praising - Oh where, where would I be without my wonderful Lord and Savior... He has given me all I will ever need - grace, mercy, love, and His blood that He shed for me, for us... which also means eternal life.

Today / Tonight - sing praises... sing loud... because He has given you so so much!!!

My theme song:

My Praying Princess Peanut

I don't consider myself to be a prayer warrior - even though I love to pray... I see some women from my church like Carol and Akos to name two - that when I hear them pray I know in my being that something is happening... I know that satan and his demons are running away... its like earth is trembling... I love to hear them pray... to hold hands with them and enter into His throne.

There is nothing more precious... than to be able to seek the Lord in prayer... to have a tender conversation with Him, to sit and share, to sit in silence while the tears fall, to fall on my face in awe and reverence, to sing praises to Him...

I sit here and type this... and my heart swells up...

That I can come before the Lord, the creator of heaven and earth... at any time, at any place and speak to Him... and He listens to me.

I remember when I first came to the Lord... and I was learning how to pray... the older women used to tell me that we do not need an operator to relay our prayers to God or to see if God was avaliable for us... they taught me that we have direct acess to Him... I remember when I heard that I was in awe... like are you serious... I don't have to pray to a statue - so that they can tell God was is going on!!! WOW... I couldn't believe it... I was so used to praying to pictures and statues... and now I could go to Him...

My youngest daughter Priscilla Grace... our princess peanut... oh she is a fireball... with one incredible spunky personality... what she lacks in size - she makes up vocally. Her voice is never drowned out by her older sister or brother... she fends for herself... and if things still don't work out or she isn't heard... she has this incredible high pitched scream that makes my bone marrow shake. And its been like this since my pregnancy with her... she was a total surprise - not planned - but God had His own plans... but that is for another day...

My princess peanut also has this incredible side to her... she is loving, tender, caring, and sweet... she loves her friends... but she loves Jesus even more... and one thing she loves to do is pray. Before we eat our meals, if someone is sick, for her daddy that works so hard, when she is scared... they are not long winded prayers... usually short and to the point... but they are initiated by her and that is the biggest blessing. She'll stop in her tracks and shouts out lets pray!!! Or she'll sit next to me and put her tiny hand in mine and she'll say lets pray...

But today I truly learned how much our kids pick up on things... like when we go to the Lord in prayer...

She entered first grade last week... and today she had three tests... math, spelling and reading... oh she was scared my tiny one... but we prayed last night and again this morning. But today when I dropped her off at school, I lifted her out of the car and gave her a hug and kiss and walked two steps and she just stopped right there and said lets pray... so what is a mom to do - I stopped and we held hands and we prayed.. Even Caleb joined in. She is my prayer warrior...

So as I saw her walk off to school holding hands with her brother Caleb - oh my darling precious princess peanut... I was just wondered what she was going to be for God... How He was going to use this vessel for His honor and glory..

And I sat there and prayed... and then pumped up the volume and praised Him some more!!!

Thank you Jesus for choosing me... to raise these children for your honor and glory...