One Day

This to me is so special - its a card someone gave to me over 20 years ago and I have held on to it all these years, it got soaked this time around with the flooding we experienced with Hurricane Sandy, but I took care of it and dried it up and its back to being beautiful...
The card is titled:

You Are a Lover of Words

One day, 

You Will Write a Book...

And it reads:

"People turn to you because you give voice to dreams, notice little things, and make otherwise impossible imaginings appear real.

You are a rare bird who thinks the world is beautiful enough to try to figure it out, who has the courage to dive into your wild mind and go swimming there.

You are someone who still believes in cloud watching, people watching, daydreaming, tomorrow, favorite colors, silver clouds, dandelions, and sorrow.

Be sacred.  Be cool.  Be wild. Go far.

Words do more than plant miracle seeds.

With writing them, you can change the world."


How totally encouraging, beautiful and true... I love cards - someone wrote this one just for me!!! And I treasure it so close to my heart.

Yes one day I will write a book...  how awesome will that be!!!  Woooo Hoooo

Thankfulness

Thanksgiving has come and gone... oh the amount of work that goes into preparing this "event" but how I love it.

Getting out the extra decorations, the special china that only see the light of day once a year, the crystal goblets that have made it one more year without one of children dropping one (yes its nutty but I love hearing that special chim)... preparing the foods... the rice, potatoes, salads and of course the Turkey. Never thought I could do a full blown turkey but so far its been working out pretty good - and no one has gotten sick!!!

My son and his beautiful girlfriend Kathy come over and we all sit around the table. Praise God my son gave me a table this year with extensions to make it longer - so we were able to open it all up this year and the joke was that we actually had to say "can you please pass the potatoes". Its just so special to be able to sit with my family (yes Kathy that includes you too) and to share a meal, to share blessings and to create memories.

One thing that I am continuously sharing with my children is how thankful and proud I am of them, and that I love them every single day. I know I have certain areas that I have to continue working on... the way I can describe it is that I am imperfect woman loved by a perfect God... and through His grace I am continuously working on those imperfections - many times I fall so very short that I just want to get an eraser and start over again... but praise God that He does give me another opportunity to start over again. One wonderful thing about my Lord and Savior is that He is always showering me with words of love and hope and encouragement... and this is what I want to pass on to my children and to my husband and all those who cross my path. I have to say its not easy - because our natural desire is to complain, to be critical, to want more, to nit pick, to have it be all about us... oh but my goal is to be able to speak words of affirmation and love.

God...the God who created the Heavens and the earth...
God said and there was...
and
He gifted us with that power...

Our words become the mirror in which others see themselves... Words are one of the most powerful forces in the universe, and amazingly, God has entrusted them to you and me...

Sharon Jaynes writes: "How desperately men and women long for an encouraging word. They need a cheerleader to tell them, You can do it!, Don't give up! They long for a fellow journeyman to bolster them up when the road is too arduous to travel alone. They yearn for teammates to rally behind them, reminding them they are not isolated in this game called life.

How long will our words echo in the hearts and minds of our child(ren), our husbands, our friends, fellow believers, and the world? For all eternity, to the end of the age."

Wow our words will echo in the hearts of our children, our husbands our loved ones for all eternity... our words leave such an impression.

So yes this Thanksgiving and each day I remind myself to let my Lord and Savior know how thankful I am to Him for the sacrifice He made, for His love, His grace, His mercy... and then I share with my loved ones how thankful I am for them... I want to fill their hearts, I want to pour these words into their hearts... to the point that it is spilling over so they can pour it into the lives of all who cross their path... that when I am gone my words will still echo for years to come of love, encouragement, and memories...

Moments not Things

It is true what they say that what we take with us are not things... but moments, memories.

I am so blessed to have children that are constantly filling my mind and heart with moments that I can look back on and smile and that I will cherish for a lifetime.

It can be from a picture that was drawn of the how they see the family... or a report they wrote in school about the many things they love about mom... their gestures... how you catch them looking at you with a look only a child can give so full of love and innocence... or the wonderful comments and remarks they make.

One that keeps coming back to me time and time again is from my Princess Peanut Priscilla... oh that little girl is so very special... there are moments that she drives me absolutely bonkers... or that I might just lose my hearing from her high pitched screams... what she lacks in size she makes up for in attitude and vocally... My darling Priscilla has one very very spunky attitude.

She is a gift from God - just like all my children are - but more so her... why??? Well she was a surprise, a very big surprise. I didn't even know how to break the news to my husband when I found out I was expecting again, it was the funniest thing!!!

You see my beautiful little girl who is six loves to cuddle up with me... she is petite so she makes a space for herself where there might seem to be none. A couple of nights ago she cuddled up next to me and inhaled... and it just makes my heart laugh because she has done this so many times. And she said... "mommy what is it about you that smells so good all the time... all the time I smell you, you smell so good and sooo special". I looked down at her and smiled (I didn't know "special" had a scent) and she said "mommy I love you, I want to smell like you all the time".

God knew - oh yes He did that my life would not be complete without a spunky little girl who is full of sugar and spice and everything nice - with a dash (or maybe two) of attitude and sarcasm... who can make my bone marrow shake like jello... but who would have a heart of gold and would melt my heart.

God's surprises are truly the best ones... and I so love the memories He is blessing me with through my beautiful children.

Our Thanksgiving Legacy

I love the Fall for so many many reasons...

Its one of my favorite seasons of the year!!! And I say this with a chuckle - because I think each season has something so very special - and as soon as the new season arrives - its my favorite!!!

But Fall... 

• The chill in the air that is just perfect to cuddle up with my hubby and kiddies
• God's incredible masterpiece displayed in nature with the beautiful rich shades of reds, oranges, purples, and yellows
• Of course - Football Season
• Comfy sweaters and turtlenecks and scarfs and cozy socks!!
• Hot chocolate... with marshmallows!

Oh and my list can go on and on... but one special thing we do at our home is the beginning of our Thanksgiving list. Throughout the years we have displayed them in many different forms. Its a tradition my kids love and look forward to. Each day starting in November we write down something we are thankful for. 

Several weeks ago I was finally able to get together with my friend Kathy and create an idea we saw on Pinterest for our homes - which I absolutely love.  Each day we will add a leaf with someone or something we are thankful for.
Here is the link to Kathy's blog regarding her "Leaves of Thanks": Wessel World

Our 2012 Thanksgivings

Oh my friends, we have so many reasons to be thankful... each day the list can be just endless with the blessings we can praise our Lord for... but there is just something a little extra special when you gather together and write them down and put them up to view each day...

It reminds me of Deuteronomy 6:1-9 which is a goal we should all have as families:

“Now this is the commandment—the statutes and the rules—that the LORD your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, that you may fear the LORD your God, you and your son and your son's son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long. Hear therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the LORD, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey.  “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

You see - God is not giving us an option as to whether we want to do this or not, its a commandment - where we are to teach our children about the Lord and His blessings...

In sitting down and sharing our thanksgivings together we are praising God for His goodness in our lives, we are reminded of people and things to pray for, we are sharing scripture together - we are impressing a sense of family, love, tradition and Jesus upon their hearts...  

I want to encourage you to start a special tradition of thanksgivings!! 

It is my prayer that what we do now, my children can continue it with their children - while sharing stories and memories of what it was like when did their display of thanksgiving when growing up...  

I love Fall... and one of the main reasons is because of the legacy of thanksgiving we pass on to our children...

What is behind me is not important...

Carlos Bermudez...A brother in Christ... 
Now at home with his heavenly Father.

I remember Carlos as this tall man (at least taller than me) - with a dark complexion, dark hair and a thick mustache and... 
a smile that made you wonder - why is he smiling like that???


When Carlos and Berta would come to church - you couldn't miss him... he carried himself in such a way - he had this presence about him...

There was just something about Carlos... what was up with this man!!! You just wanted to meet him!!!

What was up with Carlos - was His love for Jesus!!! 

His love for Jesus was so evident, so strong - that it carried him... his love for his Savior came out of his pores... 

There was a joy about him - that even in his sickness - you felt... 

You see his joy was not based on his circumstances but on his relationship with his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

After a long and eventually very painful battle with cancer - Carlos passed away peacefully surrounded by many who loved him.

He felt that whether he lived or died... he was a winner either way - because it was all about Jesus.

I remember the night when I received the text from Berta indicating that the doctors believed he would pass away that evening... 

I knew Carlos was going to pass away - part of me couldn't make sense out of it or wrap my head around that thought.  I don't know... I was holding on to a miracle - that one day I would see him walking into church with his big smile.

His wife Berta... goodness what a woman if only you could have the opportunity to listen to her share her heart , what a blessing. I would love it if she could visit me each day and share with me... I have been so so incredibly blessed by her.  During her visits I tried to minister to her, but goodness it was just the other way around!!  Wow... what a blessing.  In hearing her share about Carlos, I pray that I can love my husband the way she loved Carlos. Through the good and the bad, through health and sickness - she was by his side - his rock. It was something special...

We are now in the process of planning Carlos' memorial service... 

A Celebration of Life

We have been talking, texting, and she has passed by my office a couple of times to share and to plan.

I am just in awe of the strength she has... but again - it is the strength that can only come from God.

When she came to visit me after her husbands death... the first thing I noticed was the necklace around her neck... from the necklace was a wedding band... his wedding band... I don't know why it captured my eye, but I was captivated by it - I just couldn't stop looking at it... I felt as if she was holding a piece of him near to her heart - the sign of the commitment they made to each other - til death do us part - something intimate.

As she sat and spoke to me about his life and death - without realizing it she would hold on to his ring and twirl it around her fingers... the security she needed, the strength she needed, to be able to continue sharing about the tremendous blessing that he was to her and to so many who crossed his path.

Yesterday Berta came by again to finalize the details of this celebration... and the ring was still there close to her heart. And as we planned out the details of his memorial service - with a smile on her face - she rubbed the ring... and would clasp it in her hand - as if holding his hand, a little reassurance that it was going to be okay... that he was still there, in her heart.

So many lessons learned - but I leave you with one that Berta shared with me regarding one of Carlos' all time favorite movies - its called "Gumball Rally" - and this scene was one of his favorites that Carlos quoted - the scene is called "the first rule of an Italian driver:

Carlos will be missed - but his legacy will live on forever... praising God for his life...

Thank you Lord for giving me and so many the opportunity to be blessed by Carlos Bermudez.

The Screams...

I stuck my head out the window and screamed "please help me... call the police, someone call the police"... he grabbed me up by the hair and flung me across the living room. I remember screaming and hoping someone would save me - was this the night he would kill me.

I was doing some paperwork at work this morning... and I hear screaming coming from outside... and my heart stops - and my thoughts start racing. Was this a child? Did someone get hurt? The screams come again... and I look out my window and it was a guy struggling with a girl. Was he trying to rob her? Was he trying to hurt her? I opened up my window and shouted to them that I was going to call the cops... he stopped for a couple of minutes and then the struggle started up again... I just shouted stop stop!!! I'm calling the cops!!! He looked my way and jumped in his car and raced off... 

I just stood there looking out the window and I saw the girl putting herself together and begin walking down the street...

I took a deep breath and rushed out to catch up to her... I wanted to make sure she was okay.

Another lady also caught up to her. Should I turn back? Someone was already there... but her eyes... there was something in her eyes... I asked her if she wanted to come inside and sit for a while... and she nodded her head.

I took her inside the church and pulled out a chair for her. She was sobbing... and I could feel her pain. She started to make some phone calls and I walked away. All I could do was pray because I knew what I was going to have to face and its a place I don't like revisiting.

When I heard her say goodbye, I went back into the conference room and I pulled a chair and sat next to her. I asked her if she was okay and she said no... the tears just kept coming... I asked her what happened... and she shared her story of pain and abuse by her boyfriend. She told me she was 10 weeks pregnant... Oh the pain coming from her...

She looked at me and saw my tears and she apologized for messing up my day and taking me away from my schedule. I shared with her that she didn't need to apologize - my heart hurt for her because many many years ago I was in her position. I told her how I recognized her screams - because those were once my screams...

We sat there for a while and I heard her life story... and then I was able to share my life story, my days of abuse and pain and fear, the days that I prayed for my death and when that wasn't enough, I pleaded God for his death...

I shared how God saved me... I shared Hope, Love and Jesus... I shared about my son who is now 23... and a new reason for living... I shared how I was now a new creation as it says in 2 Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come... I shared how the Lord blessed me with an incredible husband who loves me and cherishes me... I shared how God did not create her to be hurt and abused... but to be loved. The tears then began to flow again...

Her ride showed up - I asked if I could hug her and she said yes... and we stood there as I silently prayed for her...

I invited her to church on Sunday - I told her to ask for me... she looked at me kinda weird... I laughed at her and told her I work here plus I'm a little nutty so people know who I am - she laughed and said that she was going to try and come... she asked that I pray for her - for strength to escape... and she hugged me again and then ran off...

God orchestrated this whole meeting... her friend which was 5 minutes away got lost and showed up almost 20 minutes later...

As I waved at her and walked back to my office - I remembered those screams...

One can forgive the abuser... but one never forgets the abuse... 

The scars heal... but they always stay tender...

The memories slowly creep back up to the forefront of your mind and heart...

But then He whispers into your heart and reminds you that you are loved, that its okay... and then I am reminded of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 - “Praise be to the God and Father of Our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 

Seven Days...

Its been a week... 
60,4800 seconds or
10,080 minutes or
168 hours or 
in other words seven days.



Seven days ago, a beautiful Friday afternoon I received a call from my friend, Kathy, letting me know that she received a call from the hospital because our friend, Lucille, needed her family and friends at the hospital, she told me that there were several police cars outside of our friend's home... Kathy asked if I was on my way over to pick up my daughter who gets a ride from her... I was just surprised because why would there be police cars outside Lucille's house and why was the hospital calling for family and friends... I told Kathy I was on my way and she told me she had another call coming in...

It was the hospital again - calling from the pediatric department asking for family and friends to come to the hospital. I told Kathy that I would be right over... she asked if Elizabeth could stay with her kids so she could leave right away... and I told her that wouldn't be a problem...

When I get to Kathy's street there were three police cars parked in front of Lucille's home... it was just so odd... I'm thinking Lucille's son who was 15 months old probably got hurt, like broke an arm or leg or got a bad bruise from a tumble... so why were there police cars...

When I arrived at Kathy's house at 4:24 pm all I could do was pace the house... back and forth... when was Kathy going to call to let me know what happened... My last text to her was at 4:54 pm saying "Anything" - but when I didn't hear from her I figured it was bad reception...

At 5:06 pm I got a text from Kathy saying "AJ is with Jesus, he didn't wake up from a nap... pray!" It didn't make sense... what was this saying... I closed the message and opened it up again to make sure it was real and I read it right... I called Kathy because I needed to hear the words from her mouth... and when I did finally reach her and she did confirm the news - my heart fell like a rock... such an immense pain... and the tears began to flow... 

AJ - Anthony James was the cutest little boy... with this awesome reddish hair... and he had just started walking... it was the cutest thing... now he was gone... 

Now all I could do was begin calling our prayer warriors... this family needed prayers, hardcore prayers... and each time I told someone it was the same reaction, the pain coming through the phone...

I know we are not eternal beings... I know we all have to pass away... and its hard when you hear that someone has died - but a child... how does one take that in... a beautiful innocent child.

So much as happened in these seven days... I have seen first hand how God gives strength to those that trust in Him... I was able to see how His words gave comfort and peace... I was able to see how when I was weak, He gave me strength to put my feelings aside and hold Lucille while she was crying and upset... I was able to see how Kathy ministered to her and the family day and night.

Oh but in the midst of all of this, in the midst of her tears and pain - she would share God's word, she would ask for her sisters in Christ, she would talk about her church and the joy it bought her, she would speak about Jesus and how she is getting baptized in November. She was witnessing and ministering to all those around her.

A new chapter begins for my friend Lucille... one I can't understand... but one she has to go through... its going to be a difficult journey, moments when she will break down, be angry, hurt, cry... but deep in her heart she will have one extraordinary thing... Hope... You see this journey she will not take alone... she will take each step with her Lord and Savior and nothing will be too big for Him... and He will continue to give her Hope - that one day she will be reunited with her son again...

I don't know how one can survive this pain or how one can stand when receiving news like this - but I do know that when you know Jesus - He gives you that strength, that peace and that love - those that see you might think you are nuts - but its all Jesus Christ.

Its been a difficult seven days - but I have say how blessed and honored I am to have been able to share these moments with Lucille because in ministering to her - there are so many lessons learned... so many lessons... to praise God for.

Seven days ago - the lives of so many were changed - including mine...

may you be blessed.