Still in the Race

A couple on months ago I started a new devotional, New Morning Mercies by Paul Tripp. I was excited to finally start on January 1, from the beginning and in this devotional, this sentence: “It is the fight that God wages on our behalf to help us remember that life is simply not about us. It is about God, his plans, his kingdom, and his glory.” that really summed up what I struggled with last year. I knew that everything is about Him and his plans… but knowing it and truly believing it are two different things.

January started with a routine mammogram and after some further tests, I had to have a biopsy done in February - thankfully everything came out okay, just things that I needed to keep an eye on and make an appointment for 6 months. Shortly after that, on March 4th I developed another health issue that was full of very difficult moments, many tests and doctor appointments. Instead of making an appointment for my mammogram, I was now preparing for a hysterectomy in October.  I sit here writing this and the emotions well up. I have healed well, but I still recovering and dealing with issues that have come with this surgery.

The year was an emotional, physical, and spiritual struggle. I just wanted to give up and curl up into a ball and hide, oh but my Lord, my Sustainer, He would restore me time and time again.  I would go to Him like a child and in my weakness cry out to Him. My Jehovah Rapha, my Healer, my Great Physician. My faith grew deeper and I learned to trust the Lord’s faithfulness, though I didn’t understand, I believed and trusted and waited on Him. 

My husband and children, they took this journey with me and it was not an easy one for them at all.  There were moments that it was so very difficult for them to understand what was happening to me - the doctors couldn’t figure it out and I couldn’t make sense of it myself… With each passing month, this “thing” was changing me, I would see myself in the mirror, but it was like if someone else was looking back at me, there were days I had no strength to even pretend to be me… My darling husband, after all these years, I was once again able to discover why God blessed me with a husband with his temperament, his strength and steadiness did not falter…  he was by my side encouraging me and loving me.  My daughter Elizabeth left me in awe… the Lord gave her a strength that was unexplainable.  She would ask to take off from school to take me to the doctor or accompany Ray. She went with me and was acting like a mini-me… making sure that I was comfortable, that I had what I needed, asking questions, in control and in command… Caleb and Priscilla loved on me and cuddled me up… even when I was ugly and would get upset and snap at them, they were patient. There were nights I cried to the Lord that He would help them realize what was happening to me because I didn’t have the words to express it to them.

It was a small circle that knew all the details of what was going on… but God was sooo good to me, He provided a sister in Christ who I was able to be real with and she understood because she has been through the same thing… another sister in Christ, who made me various health juices every couple of days and a special one weekly to keep my iron up… There were brothers and sisters that just shared a word of encouragement without even knowing how desperately I need to hear those words or that look that penetrated my heart… or those hugs that many times would put back together those pieces of me that I felt were breaking apart.

The days seemed cloudy, dark and gray… they weren’t necessarily bad days, just not great days… there were days when the sun shone through the clouds and I would inhale and take advantage of the moments until the winds would come and bring the clouds back and once again, I would wait patiently for the sun to return once again. It was such a struggle to enjoy those awesome moments, it was a difficult season.  But those moments were not in vain, I was able to learn so very much about being intentional, to love others, not just with mere words. 

My situation was not one that was visible, there were many days I would put on my red lipstick, puff up my hair and walk in my red heels as if nothing was wrong with me, no one would know the mess that had just transpired 15 minutes ago, or I would downplay how I was really feeling.  It made me think of -how many people are we surrounded by that are in a difficult and cloudy season?  We rush by them and the words “how are you doing” tumble out of our mouths without even missing a beat, not even slowing down for an answer…  and because we have become so accustomed to this, we are able to muster the words “doing good” with a smile while holding back the tears. 

In 2019 let’s take the time to slow down… to stop and to pray that God may open our eyes and hearts and enable us to see beyond the exterior.  No longer just to rush by someone and mumble some words because it’s the right thing to say. 

We can have so many excuses, not feel adequate, not know what to say, but sometimes it’s just being present, someone who will listen, just listen, who will sit there and let the tears flow and offer a tissue, share a heartfelt hug, or as my Pastor’s wife would say - don’t say I’ll pray for you, pray at that moment, or maybe just send a card.

My journey is not over, still dealing with some difficult things, this week I’ll have to set up some more doctor appointments. The Bible talks a lot about running the race (I laugh because right now I don’t think I can run) but I’ll hobble, crawl, roll, whatever, but I’ll continue in the race and as I continue through this race in 2019, I will pay attention to those detours God will have for me and remember to be intentional with the people He puts before me. You see there isn’t a time limit, it’s not a competition, all that is asked of us is to lay aside anything that will hinder us, to keep our eyes on Jesus, to persevere in the faith, not to run aimlessly, to press on, with endurance, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead… and what lies ahead is oh so glorious.

Will you marry me???

Wow it has been a long time since I blogged... I've been waiting and waiting for the perfect topic - but as you may know, life happens and before I came to realize several years passed by...

Talking about time passing by, today I was reminiscing on how 20 years ago my husband asked me to marry him... where did the time go?

We were a "young" couple each with our own truckload of baggage, trying to get our lives in order.  It was a Friday night, March 1993, at Primera Iglesia Bautista Hispana de Manhattan and I can still remember him walking into the young adult meeting dressed in black, I turned back, our eyes met and there was no going back - we "zinged" lol, this was the Lord's way of introducing us to each other.  But it wasn't the right time - this was just an introduction, as much as we wanted to make it work, the Lord had other plans (Ray has his version of what happened and I have mine - but I'll just leave it at that lol).

During this time of separation, we were able to grow, let go of a lot of baggage, get our lives in order, and let the Lord work in our lives and in our hearts. We got involved serving at our local church, many times bumping into each other and the butterflies fluttering all over.  It is incredible how those memories are still so vivid in my mind.

Even after getting back together, our relationship was not an easy one. But we didn't give up, we sought prayer and counsel from those we looked up to, loved and respected. We prayed and waited on the Lord. This was such an important time in our lives.

Fastwind to a crisp Friday night on October 30th, we went out on a date to the South Street Seaport. I can remember how clear the evening was and his cologne. We had Italian, Chicken Parm and Chicken Marsala. I remember he got a new sweater for our date. After eating we went out to the pier for a walk... it was a beautiful night, the people were out, there was a sense of excitement in the air. We stopped to talk and he was sharing what he felt for me and how much he loved me... he turned toward me and went down on one knee and I remember hearing that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and I looked down and he was asking me to marry him. Every detail was perfect because each detail that brought us to that moment was orchestrated by God. I said yes.

As a single mom of a little boy and a painful past, I truly did not think anyone was going to want to be with me. My spiritual mom, Ligia, shared 2 Corinthians 5:17 various times - "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." She kept reminding me that the old had passed away, that I was a new creation. She helped me to stay focused and seek Him more. The more I learned who I had put my hope and trust in, who I believed in, I began to focus on Psalm 37:4 which became my life verse... "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart". My deepest desire was to have a man who would love the Lord and who would love me and my son, but the more I delighted myself in Him, I was no longer looking for something external to fill me because I found that joy in Jesus and when He became my delight, He brought  Ray into my life.

So thankful for the gift God gave to me that Friday night 20 years ago... He gave me what I was longing for, He knew my heart's desire and He answered my prayer...

Nuestra Caja de Lápices de Colores...

En nuestro Estudio Bíblico estamos estudiando el libro - Pecados Respetables escrito por Jerry Bridges. Es un libro muy interesante y de gran bendición. El Pastor ha ensenando este libro con los jóvenes adultos hace varios años atrás y realmente aprendimos mucho y cada vez que lo leo, aprendo algo nuevo que tengo que aplicar a mi vida. 

Dos semanas atras, mientras revisábamos el segundo capítulo de el libro, el Pastor estaba usando algunos ejemplos de su vida personal. Durante ese tiempo, el compartió que el tenia problemas expresando sus emociónes y que era algo que sabia que tenía que mejorar. Se describió como un hombre seco... y tal vez, en mi opinión no fue la mejor terminología para describirse.

Me gustaría compartir un breve testimonio de lo que el Señor me ha enseñado en cuanto a este "síndrome" que mi esposo dice que posee.

Desde que conocí al Pastor, el siempre ha sido conmigo, y con los demas - un hombre muy atento - siempre atento a mis necesidades, no es egoísta, es cuidadoso, y le gusta regalar (especialmente biblias)... lo que no tenía (en ese entonces) era la capacidad de mostrar en una forma visual sus emociónes - por ejemplo, su ira, dolor, tristeza, etc... A pesar de que sentia esas emociónes - uno nunca lo podria saber, en otras palabras - uno queria que nada le daba ni frio ni calor... todo era igual para el... Siempre tenia una actitud calmada, pensado todo y planeado la solución, el no es uno que reacciona primero - pero se mantiene en control. Y yo, por otra parte no soy así (aunque si he mejorado bastante!!) - yo soy una persona que enseña todas las emociónes, pero no fuera de control (eso pienso lol).

Nuestro chiste - para describirnos - es que si fuéramos una caja de lápices de colores - yo tengo una caja llena de muchisimos colores - hasta neon!!  y mi amado Ray sólo tiene blanco y negro en su caja!  Pero le digo - que Dios es tan bueno con nosotros, que hasta en esto el ya lo tenia planeado y estaba en control!!!

Antes de conocer a Ray, tenía una lista de cualidades que yo quería en mi esposo y lo ponía en oración todas las noches. No eran cualidades negociables, por ejemplo: un hombre que sobre todo amara al Señor y fuera primero en su vida, un hombre que deseaba servirle de todo corazón, un hombre que me amaría a mí como soy, que amaría a mi hijo, que me ayudaría en mi caminar con El, un hombre que me animaría a encontrar mi identidad en El y ayudarme creecer a ser la mujer que Dios me creó para ser, que pudiéramos ser capaces de servir al Señor juntos - en lo que seas. Estas eran cosas que eran muy, muy importante para mí.

Cuando empeze mi caminar con Jesus, sostuve con fuerza a una promesa que se encuentra en Salmo 37:4, y me aferré a esa promesa - "Deléitate en el Señor y el te concederá las peticiones de tu corazón." Y tengo que decir que Él me concedió esa petición de mi corazon y gracias a Dios - todavía lo sigue haciendo. Pero para poder hacer mi punto mas claro - podemos leer en Jeremías 1:5 "Antes que yo te formara en el seno materno, te conocí...", en el Salmo 139 dice: "Oh Señor, tú me has escudriñado y conocido. Tú conoces mi sentarme y mi levantarme; desde lejos comprendes mis pensamientos. Tú escudriñas mi senda y mi descanso, y conoces bien todos mis caminos. Aun antes de que haya palabra en mi boca, he aquí, oh Señor, tú ya la sabes toda." Él Señor sabía exactamente lo que yo necesitaba en un esposo - yo no elegí Ray - Ray me fue dado a mi por el Señor (solamente le faltaba el lazo rojo - porque fue un regalo de Dios)... Ray fue creado para ser mi esposo - y el Señor puso en Ray las cualidades perfectas que El sabía que yo necesitaba como su esposa.

Tengo que admitir que en el principio era algo difícil y que daba trabajo poder comprenderlo cuando éramos novios y en el comienzo de nuestro matrimonio. Habían veces que yo no entendía y quería que él se expresara, que reaccionara de cierta manera, de la manera que yo quería... y habian tiempos que yo actuaba de cierta manera para poder sacarle una reacción. Pero cuan bueno es nuestro Señor! El comenzo a trabajar en mi corazón y me mostró las razones porqué él le ha dado a Ray esas cualidades y la importancia de poder mostar sus emociónes como lo ha hecho. En todas las pruebas que hemos tenido a traves de los años, algunas muy grandes y dificiles, he podido ver la respuesta de mi "porque". He podido dar gracias por el hombre que es mi esposo...

Hay momentos en que pensamos que sabemos lo que necesitamos en nuestras vidas - pensamos que si tuviéramos ciertas cosas seríamos felices, completos, etc... es muy triste que podemos ir años y años luchando para cambiar a otra persona o llenar esos vacíos con cosas, cuando todo lo que Dios está tratando de hacer es cambiarnos, moldearnos más y más a su imagen. Ese trabajo que El hace en nuestras vidas no nos gusta, duele, y queremos tomar el control, pero si somos obedientes y fieles a Él, a Su palabras, a Su promesas, seremos capaces de ver lo que Él ya nos ha dado y cuánto más nos quiere dar.

El Señor ha estado trabajando en la vida del Pastor a través de los años - y últimamente ha estado hasta un poquito lloroso (pero solamente un poquito)! El Señor seguirá trabajando en su vida (como en la mia) y le dará la habilidad de expresar y mostrar las emociónes necesarias para poder ministrarles ahora como pastor de la Iglesia Bautista Hispana.

Todo a Su tiempo!! Ya su caja de lápices de colores no solo tiene blanco y negro - ahora tiene dos o tres colores mas... Dios es tan bueno con nosotros - que hasta en los detalles de nuestra vida esta trabajando... pero todo a Su tiempo!

Bendiciones!!

Te llamo Pastora?

Escribo esto con todo respeto y no es mi intención ofender a nadie, pero como soy nueva en todo esto - no sé si es una moda nueva, y en escuchando al Pastor Sugel Michelén se que no lo es - hay mucha historia. Cuando mi esposo Ray empezó como Pastor de Iglesia Bautista Hispana habían varias personas que empezaron a saludarme como “Pastora”… y tengo que ser honesta y me da vergüenza en admitirlo - pero en eso segundos me sentí orgullosa!!! Wow Pastora!!! Pero le digo que fue un sentimiento de muy corto tiempo porque en mi corazón y mi mente sabía que no era correcto y le informe en ese momento a la persona - que mi esposo era el Pastor y yo su esposa - Deborah.

He pasado varios días en oración y meditando sobre este tema y me gustaría compartir unas palabras de reflexión y porqué este título no es apropiado para la esposa de el Pastor o para cualquier mujer.

En ser llamada Pastora, muchas personas posiblemente piensan que es una forma de respeto, de reverencia a la esposa del Pastor… o porque somos una sola carne, esposo y esposa - somos uno en llamamiento - el cual es totalmente incorrecto - “somos una sola carne” es usado para describir el matrimonio como y lo vemos en Mateo 19:5. Pero vamos hablar más sencillamente - si ese fuera el caso - entonces podríamos decir que si mi esposo fuera un doctor - me llamarían doctora, o si el fuera el presidente - me llamarían presidenta - porque somos una sola carne, pero cuando usamos eso ejemplos vemos que realmente no tiene sentido - la razón que mi esposo tenga un titulo - no significa que me pertenece a mi también.

Siendo la esposa de un Pastor no significa que yo tengo autoridad del ministerio de mi esposo. Yo no puedo tomar decisiones que les corresponden al el. Cuando mi esposo no puede estar presente por enfermedad, un viaje, una situación que no lo permita predicar la palabra - no significa que yo tome el control. Esto sencillamente no es bíblico. Mi esposo no es un hombre machista, el siempre me ha animado ha crecer en la palabra, en servir, y en desarrollar mis dones. En todos los años que hemos estado juntos, hemos hablado en detalle de su llamamiento como líder de nuestro hogar, como director de ministerios, de su papel como anciano de Bible Baptist Church y ahora Pastor. El ha compartido conmigo de cómo yo le puedo servir mejor como esposa, de cómo yo le puedo ayudar mejor. No siempre ha sido fácil porque somos dos diferente personalidades y algunas veces - para serles honesta, me he adelantado en varias ocasiones donde con amor, el me ha tenido que corregir o me ha comentado que no le gusto algo, que le he faltado el respeto o que la próxima vez le pregunte antes de tomar una decisión grande.

Pero vamos a la palabra de Dios - no quiero fijarme solamente en mi opinión porque lo que realmente vale es lo que dice la Palabra. No soy experta en la Palabra, pero en los años que llevo no he visto una instancia donde tenemos una mención de Pastora o donde la esposa de un líder es llamada por el título de su esposo - por ejemplo Moises, Abraham, los profetas o sacerdotes la esposas no fueron llamada profetizas, patriarca, sacerdotisas por la posición que tienen su esposos. Tampoco vemos que a la esposas de los apóstoles que estaban casados se le llamaba apostolas, ancianas or pastoras - pero si vemos que fueron digeridas como hermanas o esposas o mujeres - (1 Corintios 9:5). Como mencione anteriormente - este no fue por falta de respeto o ser machista - sino fue como el Señor lo estableció. Posiblemente hay mujeres que digan que esto es una discriminación. Que en Dios no hay distinción, donde está el valor de la esposa de un Pastor. He leído de mujeres en la Biblia que sirvieron a nuestro Señor, que enseñaron a otros, de mujeres empleares, mujeres en servicio valioso, en situaciones a veces difíciles, esposas y mujeres consagradas, virtuosas, dedicadas, sabias, y que servían y trabajaban en el ministerio con sus esposos, y quienes cumplían una obra muy importante y necesaria, tanto como la de los hombres. En ninguna parte de la Palabra de Dios vemos que una mujer es degradada o visto como un persona de segunda clase o una persona menor que el hombre. Ella tiene un papel específico y vital en la estructura de Dios

Un ejemplo - 1 Timoteo 2:12 dice “Porque no permito a la mujer enseñar, ni ejercer dominio sobre el hombre. Pablo no espera que las mujeres no quieren o no pueden aprender o enseñar, vemos esto en Tito 2:3-5 y 2 Timoteo 1:5; 3:14-15 - vemos que no podemos enseñar o tener autoridad sobre hombres - y por esa razón no podemos tener la posición de pastor.

Quiero compartir con ustedes que mi identidad esta encontrada en Dios - soy una sierva de nuestro Señor Jesucristo. Soy escogida por el y para el, no para este mundo. Le doy gracias a Dios por las muchas diferentes oportunidades que el me ha dado para proclamar su evangelio con jóvenes y mujeres, que tengo un esposo que me respalda y me ayuda a crecer en Sus caminos. Nuestra sociedad quiere que nosotras pensemos que nuestra identidad esta encontrada en lo que dicen / opinan otras personas o que es necesario tener un titulo para sentirnos más importantes… Pero eso no es lo que la palabra nos ensena. Dios creó un orden para la iglesia y para nuestros hogares. Yo sé quien soy en los ojos del Señor, y no necesito un titulo para describirme. Dios escogió a mi esposo para ser Pastor de una iglesia y yo soy su ayuda idónea - en esto no hay lugar para discusión.

En esta etapa de mi vida el Señor me ha dado las responsabilidades de ser esposa, madre, hija, hermana. En esas responsabilidades se encuentran muchas bendiciones bellas y oportunidades para servir.

Ha habido mucho escrito y hablado y sobre al respecto al papel de la mujer en nuestra sociedad y en la Iglesia... a veces es mejor dar un paso atrás y dejar de competir con lo que tiene este mundo para ofrecernos, ir a la Palabra y reconocer quien yo soy en Cristo y cómo Él desea usarme - para que en final poder escuchar “¡Hiciste bien, siervo bueno y fiel! (Mateo 5:23) de mi Padre celestial.

Deliate - 37:4

Modesty Part 2 - My Brother and Modesty - Thank you!

A couple of months ago I wrote on modesty, I wasn't going to have a part 2... but the more I thought on many of the articles and blogs I read - I needed to take some time to pray, to look at Scripture and to think about my own husband... and I needed to speak up because I'm pretty upset.   

You see, there is a truckload of articles written by men who use the same phrases over and over again regarding how immodesty is such a big problem for them, then you have the other side of the coin regarding women who either go from one extreme of throwing all their clothes away in order not to be immodest to the other extreme getting their feathers all ruffled saying this isn't their problem.

Yes, I know that immodesty is an issue, a serious issue, but I want to talk about men and to stand up for those who are not being spoken of.  Yes, I am a woman and in reality I don't have any idea how this affects men, I can only go by what my husband has shared with me or what I have read.  What hurts me is that in all these conversations there are men being described as or who are putting themselves in the same category as being creatures / animals - who only go by instinct, whose lives are being run only by what they see, with no self-control whatsoever - to either justify their actions or who possibly may not want to admit what they may be really struggling with - they seem to want to throw all men into the same barrel... how men just can't control themselves when they see a woman dressed a certain way - REALLY!!! 
Hitting the brakes!!!!

I'm sorry but I for one find it personally offensive to hear this and to read this both as a woman and as a wife!

You see when you describe and speak about men like this - you include my husband, my Pastor, leaders whom I respect, brothers in Christ that hold high standards within this issue, young men who are being real and are making a huge difference and are taking a stance on this topic, men who love their Lord and Savior, that will be open and honest and take these struggles to the feet of Jesus and seek Him and His word, who will take responsibility for it and not shift the blame or want to wash their hands of it.  These are men who I admire, they are not creatures, these are men that turn to God, who have the ability to control their actions because they are men who strive to be controlled by the Holy Spirit - not the flesh.

My husband - I love the man!! As much as I love him, I also know he is not perfect... he is a man of flesh and bones... when it comes to modesty, I have no problem asking him for his thoughts on what I am wearing - because I know he is not only looking at me as his wife, but also as his sister in Christ, my 14 year old daughter has also gotten into the habit of asking for his opinion - we have had countless and very open conversations on the topic, we've spoken about it to our kids, taught it openly and lovingly in Youth ministry, and the same within the Young Adults ministry. I know my husband is not blind - I know that he looks at other women, it would be very foolish of me to think otherwise... but I also know that above all his love for our Lord and Savior is without words, that he loves  and respects me and his children greatly.  Because of this love, he chooses to spend time in the Word, praying and deepening his relationship with Jesus... and I can strongly say the same thing for other young men (who I am truly proud of ) and men whom I know.  

I have to once again repeat this when it comes to modesty and women - there is no way I can go to a girl or a woman of any age and tell her what she can and can't wear - one - because the bible really does not have a checklist of how long our skirts should be, or if women should wear turtlenecks or show cleavage. It does tell us in 1 Timothy 2:9 "...that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire", but it does not break it down for us. - two - yes, she may do it to appease me - but it's not about the external... it has to do with the heart and her relationship with Jesus... only Jesus can transform her from the inside out and truly get her to see what modesty really and truly is... and three - I need to have a relationship with this person in order to be able to sit down and get to know her and her heart, so I can share my heart with her.

When it comes to men... I gotta be real here - for those men who want to throw the blame on women...  I have to say - yes I can see your point, the world is constantly flashing stuff, there are women who take dressing to a whole new level, so for a Godly man its hard and there are times I can see you struggling where to look.  It's not much easier for us either, it's uncomfortable for women too, we truly don't enjoy seeing other women dressed inappropriately... but for a moment let us turn the tables - have you ever stopped to think that you may be causing women to have lustful thoughts? SURPRISE!!! Yes, this issue does affect many women also! For example - there are women who are turned on by a certain type of man, who is rugged in appearance, how about those who wear tight tee shirts and flaunts their muscles, or those who dress in suits, maybe it's the casual look, maybe they left one too many buttons unbuttoned... hmmm how about those who wear cologne, how they speak to women or it can even be an innocent lingering touch on the arm, her back, maybe sitting close to her and having legs touch, an embrace while saying hello. Who would have thought!?!  But it does happen.  There are countless women who struggle with this!!!  But just in the same way, there are men who can have lustful thoughts looking at women who are are modestly dressed because his attraction is her elbows... her ears... her toes or feet...  there are men with different attractions - its not just the obvious body parts...  it could be from lipstick to high heels, anything... because men are visual...  so what do I tell these women??  You have to wear sock and earmuffs?  

Just as the woman has to be transformed from the inside out by the Holy Spirit... men were created to have self-control. Men may lack it, but they have it... and if you lack self-control - the solution is to practice self-control by seeking God and His word and being transformed through His word through the Holy Spirit. 

Men please do not degrade yourselves by saying you have no self-control or by allowing yourselves to be put in the same category... again I repeat that I cannot truly understand how your minds and body are affected but don't be childish either complaining and focusing on how women are dressed. I do know that we serve a mighty God who loves us and who speaks to us through His word and I do know that we have plenty of men who may struggle with this issue but instead of shifting the blame are taking responsibility and focusing on God and seeking strength, wisdom and self-control from God, men who are not attacking or pointing fingers, but who are holding on to the transforming Word of God which has the power to help you overcome!

So thank you men - young and old - for being a Godly example for our sons and yes for our daughters also... for being an example for the boys and men of all ages... what it means to have a Godly walk, how you handle yourselves and what to do when you struggle - not having to announce it to the whole world using someone else's words - but to those who you are accountable to - for prayer and counsel... For respecting women and seeing them not like objects but as people, as your sisters in Christ. I truly am thankful for you and I appreciate you greatly... anyone can talk the talk... but you lead by example - it does not go unnoticed.  

Here are several bible verses on self-control and I hope they are a blessing to you...

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 2 Peter 1:5-7

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.  1 Corinthians 9:24-27

But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:27

Training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age,  Titus 2:12 

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.  Romans 12:1-2

Signing Off

Debbie

Modesty - Let's Get Real Please...

This morning when I was checking my Facebook newsfeed I came across "another" modesty article.  And yes I am making emphasis on the word - another... I was hoping I would read something different, so I opened the article and started reading and yep it was the same stuff all over again... why women shouldn't wear this or that, and the effects on men.  And I noticed how quickly this post was shared?  For what reason??  I don't know.

Hello- how many times do we need to read about this - yes we know its an issue - but now what?? 

I really need to be honest and say it upset me. This is something that real women and real men struggle with. Its not just a wave of a magic wand and all is well... there are so many things that come in to play with this topic: maturity level (both age and spiritually), culture (yes it really matters where you come from and how you were raised), and how this topic has been presented to you (were you judged, looked down on, etc).

We can lump all women and men into this big pot and say - here this is what you have to do and this is why - and when you do it - you'll be a better Christian... are you kidding me? 

I want to hear and see more women and men who are real and talk about it in a real way... who share their struggles and how they overcame it - about those who came alongside them and loved them through this process and prayed with them and offered suggestions. Yes, you can say well its a personal issue - well eventually there has to be some sort of praise and for someone to share the steps that they took - or are we to believe it can't be overcome?  Seriously?

Why am I so passionate about this topic - because I've been there...
When I first came to know the Lord... it was just this sheer joy and excitement - I looked forward to Sundays, to go to church to worship and hear the message and fellowship! When I would get ready for church, I would want to put on my finest. This was the way I was bought up.  My mom would start getting us ready for Sunday service on Saturdays... washing our hair and doing these little roll ups to our hair so it would be just perfect.  She would have us shine our shoes with baby oil, we would take our super duper baths, it was a Saturday ritual.  Our outfits would be ironed just right. Our grandmother would make us these big round skirts out of fabric she would find on sale... it was a big deal going to church, and it wasn't about appearances, it was because we were going to church and we were giving the Lord our best - Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall - didn't matter the weather.  
My mom also took great care in teaching us how to dress... it wasn't to any extreme - but we dressed our age... we didn't go with the flow, and that followed us as we grew up.  Yes we had our moments, our stages - but nothing crazy like we see today...

But my first experience with this topic of modesty was several months after I had accepted the Lord.  I put on this beautiful linen skirt with three gold buttons by the waist and a slit on the side and I paired it with a lovely blouse and of course my super duper heels... always rocking my heels!
  After service was over and we were walking down the aisle to exit the church - this lady approaches me - her name, Rosa Davila, she was one of the older ladies of the church - a Sunday School teacher, very knowledgeable, a prayer warrior.  As a new believer she kinda sorta intimidated me. We never really spoke much, the usual hello and small talk... but this one Sunday she approached me - my heart dropped... but what shocked me was how she spoke to me... she was so sweet and nice, she complimented me on how I dressed and how beautiful I always looked.  Then she said how she loved my skirt and how wonderful it looked on me - "but you know that slit is a little high" she said - oh my goodness I'm a believer for several months and look at what I'm doing - I waited for lightening to strike!!!  It was totally the opposite - she checked out the slit and she said - "you know something if you want you can bring the skirt to me next week and I'll fix it for you, look all I have to do is just a couple of stitches here and that way when you sit down it won't be a problem" and she proceeded to compliment me again, which led to another conversation. 

She opened my eyes to something which I was not aware of - helped me find a solution - and all in love and that is what I have never forgotten - it was done in love... and from that day on I paid closer attention to what I wore.  Yes there are moments when I forget to pin something or fix something up - but I try and catch those situations before I leave the house.

But what I want to bring to light is - have you noticed that modesty isn't a topic that is shared, spoken about, nor a topic of conversation.  I think this is a topic that is assumed young girls, young ladies, women know about - if you really have that connection with Jesus, that modesty knowledge comes with it - hmmm and if not - you must not be praying, reading your bible or you must be missing something!!! 

Girls, women are told to cover up because of what it will do to men... and??? 
Women are looked down upon, frowned at - but what is the story??    
Men are supposed to act blind and pretend they don't see anything - really??

I am married - to a wonderful husband and we have been very open with our conversations. I just finished sharing with him regarding the topic and I read  what I was writing about and what I felt about it.  I have no problem asking my husband to check out my outfit and see if its okay, its usually a Sunday ritual - he's my husband and I want to make sure I am respecting him when we go out, plus I want to look nice for him. When we worked in youth ministry - we discussed it openly and frequently - so the girls and guys could have a true understanding of the topic. Now that we are working with the young adults - we try and do the same thing - using different tactics.

We have two daughters, 13 and 8 - I do my best to make sure that they are dressed appropriately for whatever the situation, there are times its a struggle with my older daughter, but I am honest with her. I also have them accustomed to going to their dad and have him give his opinion.  What may seem fine to me, may not be to him.

I have a son who is 10 and who has been having conversations with his dad about girls...

Its all about communication... please don't tell me the effects of what an outfit will do - that's biology 101 which they are now teaching in elementary school - are we really that silly? Please do not assume you know why she is dressed a certain way, please don't judge or be critical or have an arrogant perception, being all high and mighty, lets be real - we all have something we struggle with and some of those things are hard to deal with, really hard - how would you like someone to approach you on it?  I have no idea or can even come close to understanding why men struggle so hard with this issue - or why porn is so prevalent among guys and men... and why is that - because I do not have the mind of a man - but I ask my husband questions, I can learn, I can pray... I can be more sensitive.

How can we expect a young girl or woman, a young boy or man to understand this unless its spoken about?  The answer can not be - because you can't.  We need to speak about it in a way where we don't have girls feeling bad, ashamed or hiding their bodies and we need to speak about it in such a way where boys don't feel bad or ashamed of what they are feeling or seeing...but how to deal with it, what to do. Its about sitting down and sharing our hearts, sharing our experiences, sharing what the bible says, and again I stress - in love. 

Who am I do judge or criticize that woman who comes to church dressed a certain way... let her hear the message - let me say hello - let me start a conversation - let me pray and see where the Lord will lead and how I can share my heart... how sad would it be for her to catch a glimpse of me looking at her up and down and then leave the church not feeling loved. When you get down to it, modesty is not about a list of do's and don'ts - its a matter of the heart.

When it comes to certain topics - lets leave all this technology aside, lets leave all these opinions, suggestions and stuff from people aside, and turn to Jesus. Let Him guide us. Let's go back to the good old days when you could have a conversation with your wife, husband, children, friend, etc.  Where you share, laugh, cry, joke, pray and learn something - and leave knowing that you are loved, accepted, that you have someone who will help you and be there for you.

Isn't that what Jesus taught?

I want to share this before I end - Titus 2:1-10 

But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled,pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us. Bondservants are to be submissive to their own masters in everything; they are to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, not pilfering, but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior.

What is this telling us to do - to teach - to teach about life. Its not telling us to condemn, judge, be critical - but to teach. How do you teach - by sharing, by being real, by developing relationships.  How did our Savior share with others?  How did he teach his disciples, always in love... Please let us take note of that... when we share about modesty - or any other topic... and let us remember where we once were... and let us not forget love...

Signing off ...
Me...

Thankful for Another Year

Yep, today is my birthday

23 times 2 

(sounds better)

I love making a big deal of my birthday.  It gives me an excuses to be a little nuttier and sillier, yes it is possible to do!!  


Its awesome to see the kids, as they get older, get excited, plan the surprises, write out the messages on the cards, do the decorating...

As the evening begins to slowly come to an end... and as I finish reading all the beautiful messages that have been sent via text, email, instagram or facebook - of those I've known for many many years or just a few months... I am just reminded that God is so very very good... I've tried to reply to everyone to let them know how thankful I am - but its so hard to convey that gratitude for a simple gesture - its those little things that bring a smile to the heart of the person receiving it... 

Its been a tough year - with many different challenges... times of growth, learning to depend more and more on the Lord... realizing that nothing, absolutely nothing in guaranteed... but most of all I have continued to know that my God is in control, there is nothing that I have gone through that has escaped Him. He is aware of every situation, every heartache, each tear, all my questions and he patiently and lovingly listens to me.  But most of all this year God has truly helped me realize that

my husband loves me - he really does love me... even when I drive him crazy, and ask 101 questions, and do my fair share of nagging, and continue to add more things to the honey do list - when I'm ugly and unloveable... my husband loves me, he sacrifices for me, always looking for ways to bring a smile to my face. Always helping me focus on the Lord and His Word. He encourages me and pushes me and he believes in me.  He comforts me when the struggles are too much to bear. Oh but most of all he lets me snuggle with him to the point that he's practically falling off the bed (I love that part - poor thing).

my daughter Elizabeth who is growing up to be so very beautiful... yes she is 13 going on 23 but what's new... don't they all go through that stage?  But she is good, she is sweet, she loves her mom... and her dad... yes she's a daddy's girl... she's smart, is making friends, loves to sing for Jesus.  I love her but its getting hard seeing her grow up... as she does her hair and fools around with makeup...  Where did the time go? Its hard to see yourself in your child...she is so much like me - which sometimes isn't a good thing, because the yucky stuff looks even yuckier when I see myself...praying she listens to my heart and is always reminded of how much I love her, I truly do.

my son Caleb. Oh how that boy loves me - he is all boy but has such a tender and sensitive heart.  He loves sneaking up and giving me a hug or a kiss... yes he has his moments when he thinks he's five and has his crazy melt downs - praying this stage will son pass because its one I can't understand... but how time flies - now he's 10 and I can remember the day he was born and the sweetness of Caleb, mommy's little boy... One of the many things he loves to do is create with his legos - which makes me want to hang him when I step on one of those little pieces AHHHHHH!!!! But then I see him sleeping and how long he's getting - oh my sweet little boy.

my precious Priscilla. My firecracker, how she loves to get her brother and sister going and letting out a piercing scream that makes my bone marrow shake (thanking God they are not as frequent anymore) - she brings out the Spanish in me... she is fearless but with just a gentle spirit.  How she loves her countless barbies which have now overtaken our basement. She wants to change the world.  Loves making cards and getting as many people to sign them.  She's my prayer warrior... working on starting a bible study class... loves finding that little nook on my back to squeeze into - not caring that she's breaking my back - its like she wants to be as close as possible.... and how can I forget her favorite question - mami are you happy?  This is so very important to her.

Life isn't easy - there are times when its hard and painful - when you wonder if anything you do is worthwhile... but then as type this, I see my husband helping Elizabeth with a school project while she sings and performs Let It Go, my son playing his video games and my precious Priscilla knocked out trying to find that nook in my back - I thank God.  He knew what I needed - He knows what I need and He continues to provide in abundance... I am surrounded by a man and children who love me... I am surrounded by wonderful parents and in laws... and by an incredible church family and friends who encourage me, push me, love me, accept me just the way I am (or so they have me believe) and yes even drive me batty lol but at least I get a supply of the jumbo bottle of Advil - I wouldn't change it... how can I complain, (well I can complain) what would I be saying to God - I'm not happy with what you've given me?? Learning learning learning to be grateful even in those moments... find the blessings... find the gifts... seek Him

Tonight as I inhale and exhale I praise God for Him - for who He is... Thank you my Jesus... I have a Lord and Savior who loves me - loves me so much that he stretched out His arms - He suffered and died for me... that the blood that He shed on that cross cleansed me, white as snow... that I don't have to jumped through hoops or do any rituals or bring any sacrifices for Him to listen to me - He is there waiting for me to share my heart... 

Oh what can be a greater gift... 

that I can serve my Savior all the days of my life.  

Thank you Jesus for this birthday!

Thank you Jesus for another year of life... 

Looking forward with excitement to see what you have in store for me!!  

praying...